Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Surgery & Politics

So my doctor seriously undersold the recovery time required to have three surgical procedures done to my throat and nose. "You'll need about 4-5 days to recover." Meanwhile, on day 7, I still can't swallow without doing a little hop and slamming my palm on the countertop. I have eaten 5 massive bowls of ice cream and for the first time in my life, the thought of ice cream makes me sick. Surgery is not fun. Ever. I was somewhat looking forward to a few days off, laying in my recliner, watching football, watching tennis, watching 36 straight hours of prison break (spoiler warning - they break out of prison - end spoiler), but this was no day in the park.
I had my uvula (the little punching bag in the back of your throat) removed, my tonsils removed, and turbinate surgery in my nose. The little boy in the tonsil video I had to watch was a little too happy to be getting his freezer pop, so I knew he didn't have the same surgery as I did. He and I shared the same affinity for ice cream post-op, but I didn't get to see if he tired of it as I have.
The result of the surgery is that I can sleep without snoring, which makes my wife (and me) extremely happy, so I guess the surgery was a success.

Someone today basically made the following if-then statement to me regarding the upcoming presidential election:

If you don't vote for Mike Huckabee, then you are not a Christian and must therefore worship the devil.

I'm not 100% positive, but I don't think this statement is entirely accurate, but it is the mantra of the hard-core religious right. Just thought I'd share.

So the wife and I went to Olive Garden last night for my first dinner post surgery because I can get pasta with no meat and suffer through it to get some nutrition other than ice cream and when the waiter brought our bill he did not include the chocolate mints. Now this is a deal breaker to me. Why at the point where the customer is going to determine your tip would you "fumble the ball?" His service up to this point had been sub-par, but if I had received the chocolate mints in the bill, he would have gotten 20%. (I rarely tip less than 20% no matter what, because my wife was a server and that's how we roll) Being that I had not chocolaty goodness in my mouth, my pen would not allow me to give more than exactly 15% to the penny, and on the total without tax not with tax. Much to my wife's dismay and embarrassment I wrote the following note on the bill:

No Mints = Less Tip!

Was I wrong?


steve said...

No, it isn't wrong. I'm a fan of the note to explain too. Hope you have a speedy recovery.

Mike Lombard said...

I believe the correct response is, "No, you're not wrong, Walter. You're just an a-hole!" The size of the tip speaks for itself, but maybe the waiter will now remember the mints and be better off for it. The important question though is, do you feel better for having done your quasi-good, mostly dickish deed for the day?

Oh yeah, and praise the Lord for your surgery, 'cause you snored like a freakin' lumberjack in that hotel in Cancun and on various couches in Gainesville during the early 2000's.

Oh yeah, one more thing. Whoever said that about Huckabee is in serious need of a brain. Huckabee supports the Iraq war, the death penalty, and gun rights. I don't see how any of those positions are aligned with Christian beliefs.

Furthermore, not being a Christian is not synonymous with worshiping the devil. Well, at least that's what the BILLIONS of Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, and Jews seem to think. Plus, who says that the modern incarnation of the Christian church would be acceptable to Jesus? Intolerance (as displayed by the fundamentalist right-wingers) wasn't one of Jesus' strong points, was it? WWJD? Probably renounce his citizenship and move to Canada.