Children of the Horn

Enthusiasm Fail

2008-11-12T19:37:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of a dude who won 9 million dollars playing a card game. (This is not the shot of him winning, but it might as well be)

When he saw the cards fall he didn't even crack a smile.

Maybe it's because he's from Europe and the payout is in Dollars and not Euros? Does he have an over possessive girlfriend back home that will take all of his money? Here's a video of him explaining things. Maybe it will clear up his lack of excitement.

Uhhhhhhhhhhh...Reminds me of my favorite Spelling Bee Champion of all time, Evan "M" O'Dorney

Dog Days of Summer

2008-08-17T18:39:00.000-07:00

So tonight's Rays - Rangers game promotion is the "Dog Days of Summer," where you can bring your dog to the ballpark with you. Because that's what a dog wants to do, be on a leash in a concrete stadium for 3+ hours. Best quote of the night by the Rays announcer was " I hope the stadium crew gets hazard pay after tonight's game." Maybe if the dogs were allowed to play, the Rangers would be doing better (It's 7-1 Rays in the top of the 5th). I think I saw that in a sequel to Air Bud.

The Rays have been dominating since their mini-collapse prior to the All-Star break. If they can play .600 ball from here on out, they will win the division. If they can play .500 ball, they will win the wild card. Pretty amazing one year turn around. If Longoria comes back and they call up David Price, they will only get better. How crazy would it be to have the football season starting and relevant baseball in September / October.

On a completely unrelated note, Kathy & I tried the new "Chick-Fil-A" sauce this weekend. This has replaced HRB (Honey Roasted BBQ). Not impressed. While it is still better than any other sauce that has ever been made, it has a more pronounced mustard flavor and is not quite as sweet as HRB. Maybe we're crazy, but we both were underwhelmed. The only bonus is that you can buy gallons of it to eat at home.

When I got home today...

2008-06-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

I saw a cord running across the garage floor that was not there this morning.

Huh, why would there be a cord running into our Explorer?

Wait, is that what I think it is?

It would appear that our vehicle is being used as a nap prolonger. The things we do to keep our toddler child asleep. I'm told he slept the entire way home (from the doctor's office where he got 3 shots) and for an additional hour and twenty minutes once he was home. That is a win, win, win, if you ask me. Now with gas at $4.00/gallon, 1 hour 20 minutes of idling makes for one expensive nap. I tried to get him to go back in the car seat to complete the visualization in the picture, but he went all stiffy squirrel on me. I know we're not the only parents to have done this.

Free Bread from Subway (Feeding the Ducks)

2008-06-03T16:04:00.000-07:00

One of Luke's best pronounced words now is duck. Since I figured he must have an affinity for ducks I decided it was time for him to feed the ducks @ Lake Howard. We went with the Honey Wheat Bread from the Dollar General (because the ducks must get tired of plain white bread) and found a spot to park under a large tree. There were 4 ducks milling around when we drove up. By the time I had Luke out of his car seat and the bread in my hand the number of creatures had multiplied exponentially. They came by land, by sea and some by air and they were waiting impatiently for us to begin. After showing Luke how to throw a few pieces I gave him some to throw. Except he didn't throw it immediately and nearly got pecked in the process. After realizing that it might not be in his best interest to have bread in his hand, I took over the bread throwing duties. Luke had a ball. He shrieked with delight when they would get near him, and he was grinning from ear to hear shouting "duck, duck, duck" like a thousand times. My favorite was balling up a piece of bread, throwing it 20 feet in the air and watching 4 birds dive bomb it and catch it before it hits the ground. There were pretty ducks, ducklings, Purple Gallinules, birds of the air, geese, and ogre ducks. You know, the ones with red warts all over their faces that breathe real heavy because they're so fat. They camped out at Luke's feet and he tried to pet them, once, but they snapped at his hand and he decided that he would no longer be friends with the ogre ducks. We tried to not throw any bread to the ogre ducks, but sometimes they would use their massive size and intimidation to steal a piece from a duckling that wasn't fast enough. We finished the loaf of bread, walked out on the dock to look for gators (another of Luke's new favorite words quite naturally) and headed back to the car to leave. Luke was not happy with this decision and let me know quite vocally that he wanted to stay with the ducks. Maybe he could make a home with them, he must have thought. Next time we go, we will make a few changes:

1. Don't park under a tree (birds of the air camp out in the trees waiting for you to throw a piece 20 feet into the air and the act of leaping from the branch causes them to release everything that is in their "system" onto the hood of my car)
2. Bring a camera.
3. Take more bread (We may stop by Subway because "Ducks Eat for Free at Subway")

Travis, this video is for you, since you claim to be a fan, but had never heard this bit.

Bizarro World

2008-05-29T11:51:00.000-07:00

The Cubs and the Rays share the best record in baseball.

The GEO Metro is making a comeback.

$2.99/Gallon gas is a promotion.

Clay Aiken impregnated a female.

I keep expecting Kevin, Gene and Feldmen to come walking toward me at any moment?

He Walks

2008-05-14T20:08:00.000-07:00

I'm a little late in posting this, but two babies can wear a brother out.

Behold, the Luke Man.

He's still got his sea legs a bit, but a pretty dominant performance for his first official week of walking. Every time that I let him walk in the front yard, he runs toward the road, flailing his arms the entire way. I have to run after him looking like a bad parent who let my kid almost run out into the road. I don't know what he sees over there at First Pres, but it must be pretty important.

What do you think of his walking skills?

Don't Call me Johnny Fairweather

2008-05-14T05:28:00.000-07:00

The Tampa Bay ~~Devil~~ Rays are in first place in the AL East! They have the best record in the American League.

I know it's only May 14th, but I'm going on record and predicting that the Rays will win the pennant and make it to the World Series. Travis thinks they may play the Marlins and it would be an all Florida World Series. The "War of I-4," as he puts it, although to go from Tampa to Miami, you wouldn't really take I-4. Maybe they could call it the "War of I-75 to Alligator Alley" or something.

I started this season with a fresh interest in baseball. I have watched at least half of the games (which considering the amount of games in a MLB season, to watch half is an accomplishment) and have been to one game live (the first time I saw the Rays actually win a game in 5 or so tries). They are exciting to watch and most importantly, they can pitch. They are 4th in the AL in team ERA. Shield's has in his last two home games pitched a two hitter and a one hitter, both complete games. Kazmir is back and pitched 6 shut-out innings in the game Ryan and I went to on Saturday night. Ryan and I decided that every time Kazmir comes to the mound, they should play Led Zeppelin's Kasmir. At least WE thought it was funny. If you haven't been to a Rays game lately, be prepared to think you are at a Mississippi State home game what with all the cowbell. The Rays evidently have a fever and the only cure is more cowbell. It's almost annoying.

The Rays, in what is arguably the toughest division in all of baseball, are in first place. I might actually have some sports to cheer for while I wait for football season.

Does it Make Me Less of a Man

2008-05-01T12:23:00.000-07:00

If I nearly cried while reading this story?

Bravo....(insert slow clap here)....Bravo, I say....

Here is the video if you're interested.

What would you have done?

Miss Emily

2008-04-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

Emily Renee was born @ 5:04 am on 4/15/08. She is the most beautiful girl in the world and if you don't believe me, please see the video tape.

In 25 years when she is finally allowed to date, I'll be interviewing wealthy prospects for eligibility.

My New Favorite Actress

2008-04-14T10:30:00.001-07:00

Through a series of internet rabbit trails (which started from a post about "blogger night" at Dodger stadium - to a visit by Alyssa Milano), I have determined that Alyssa Milano is my new favorite actress. She loves baseball and writes about it (I'm going to assume that she is the one writing her blog). She will replace Natalie Portman effective immediately at the top of my favorite actresses list. "Who's the Boss?" was a fine show, so she's got that going for her as well.

Only in Polk County

2008-04-11T17:20:00.000-07:00

Since I did not have my camera with me tonight, I cannot show you exactly what I saw, but I'll try to give you a visualization with some pictures from the internets.

That's right, it was an airboat being towed by a Cadillac. A nice, new Cadillac that probably cost $30,000 to $40,000. I can picture them at Lake Hamilton (which was the direction they were coming from), backing down the boatramp, getting the whitewalls dirty. It made me and the Mrs. chuckle all the way to dinner.

The Extra Mile

2008-04-07T07:59:00.000-07:00

We had a garage sale this past weekend. I put my CD collection up for sale and sold 100 crap CD's from the 90's mostly. I priced them at $1 each and was surprised at how many I sold. When I was going through the CD's, dusting off the cases, I came across a case for which I had no CD. There were several of these, most of which I could reasonably account for where the disc had vanished. Some had been given away, some were ganked by friends and some were thrown out the window in Chattanooga, TN for one reason or another, but one CD could not be accounted for...

This CD defines a generation of "totally awesome" Christian music. I think I bought this while at a Dawson McAllister student conference at Carpenter's Home Church. Then, I think our youth choir did the musical that went with this CD. Do they still have musicals for youth choirs? Because if they don't, a generation of kids are missing out.

So if you've seen my Al Denson CD could you please let me know? Or if you have it and can burn me a copy, that would be great. I don't know if I can make it through the day without some "Call Me" or "That's What my Father Would Do."

World Malaria Day

2008-04-04T08:12:00.000-07:00

If you've got spare time (and who doesn't?) and want to help out a good cause and have fun at the same time, the United Nations has got you covered. They get involved in world politics and haven't been the biggest fans of the USA lately, but they are all about helping fight malaria, and that's good, one less thing to worry about.

Go there, play the game, register your email address, and they will send a mosquito net to Africa for your troubles. It's like the free rice game without feeling bad because you read at a third grade level.

It's a win, win, win.

You may have to click through to see the widget.

April Fools' Day

2008-04-01T12:47:00.000-07:00

Check out the Museum of Hoaxes Top 10 April Fools' Day pranks.

My favorite is the Taco Liberty Bell and the quote from press secretary Mike McCurry.

Enjoy!

We've Come a Long Way

2008-03-28T20:15:00.001-07:00

In less than 20 years, we've gone from this..

With these amazing specs:

Key Dates:	Announced September 1989 Discontinued October 1991
Original Price:	$6500
CPU:	Motorola 68000, 16 MHz
Memory:	1MB RAM, expandable to 5MB (this unit has 5MB installed)
Display:	Active-matrix monochrome LCD
Operating System:	Mac OS
Input/Output:	Built-in keyboard, floppy disk drive, trackball, external floppy drive port, SCSI port, internal 100MB hard disk
Bus:	N/A
Other Items in Collection:	Carrying case
Items Needed:	BATTERY, original operating system diskettes, documentation

To this...

I'm sure there were people wondering how in the world they were going to fill up that 100 MB hard drive. And the price @ $6,500.00 is like $11,250.00 adjusted for inflation. I'm sure that 20 years from now the MacBook Air will look rather foolish as well. Actually I wouldn't be surprised if we are laughing at the Air in less time than that.

Lost

2008-03-21T06:07:00.001-07:00

If I were recapping the episode, I would say this:

http://blog.zap2it.com/ithappenedlastnight/2008/03/lost-michaels-g.html

Best line and funniest by far:

(And yes, for all of you who wondered at the beginning of last season, Kate wasn't Mr. Friendly's type because...well, let's just say Mr. Friendly watches a lot of Bravo programming when he makes it back to the real world.)

If You Don't have an Hour to Blow, Don't Read This

2008-03-14T19:26:00.000-07:00

It's received 12 million hits, but in case you haven't seen it yet, I give you:

Stuff White People Like

Most of them hit home.

Luke is 1 year old today! This has been a crazy year, but I wouldn't trade one single second of it for anything. I might, however, trade some seconds of the next year, because it's guaranteed to be exponentially harder than this year.

Also, if you haven't seen Fred & Sharon's movies yet, you're missing out. My wife wishes she could make movies like Fred & Sharon. Their mastery of video editing, animation, graphics, sound and voice work is phenomenal.

Wiki Wednesday

2008-03-05T05:50:00.000-08:00

In honor of Wingsday and 80's Fix Wednesdays, I would like to introduce Wiki Wednesdays.

Remember when you had to go to the library to look in the encyclopedias? Or if you were lucky, your parents would buy you an encyclopedia set from a door to door salesmen or from Publix(?). My mom was on the Publix plan, but I think we only got Volumes A and B thru Br. Makes it kind of hard to do a research paper. My research papers and projects were always on Switzerland (I don't really know why, maybe because they were neutral?), so I had to go to the library. Wiki Wednesdays is about the encyclopedia entries that would have never made it into the Funk & Wagnall's at the library. To me, this is the beauty of Wikipedia, the random crap that maybe 10 people care about in the entire world.

Today's Entry is The Flying Spaghetti Monster (also known as the Spaghedeity). Of particular note is the section on Polk County, FL and our connection to this parody religion.

Enjoy, when you have time, and stay tuned for more Wiki Wednesdays.

Kimmy Gibler

2008-02-29T10:58:00.000-08:00

I am amazed sometimes by entries on Wikipedia. One that I came across recently (don't ask how) is for the fictitious character from Full House, Kimmy Gibler, played by none other than Andrea Barber.

Here is a sample from the page.

"However, it is D.J. who really loves her. The reason, whether it's because she can live on the edge a little by hanging around her, or because she gets to practice her leadership skills and guide her, is uncertain. It's probably more a desire to help Kimmy, though there is a little of the edge, too. For instance, it's revealed in a later episode that when they were thirteen, Kimmy and D.J. hitchhiked to Berkeley on Halloween. D.J. has also prevented Kimmy from getting way too wild, such as when Kimmy got drunk at a party and D.J. brought her home for the night ("Under the Influence")."

There is more information on Miss Gibler's page than there is on the wikipedia entry for the 22nd Vice President of the United States, Levi P. Morton. That is awesome and sad at the same time.

Lost

2008-02-29T04:47:00.000-08:00

Phenomenal. That's the only word that can describe last night's episode of the best show ever. I was on the edge of my seat for the last 5 minutes of the show, not because of the time travel elements, but because of the conversation that took place between Desmond and Penny. That is why I love Lost.

Polk Voice

2008-02-28T05:08:00.000-08:00

Every few days, in the wee hours of the morning a delivery guy drives by my house and drops off this piece of crap paper that I never ordered, nor do I want to receive. I am referring to "Polk Voice." It sits in my driveway and my wife and I run over it with the cars a few hundred times. I can imagine him in his 90' Tercel, laughing to himself. It's as if he's saying to me, "Here, buddy, you throw this away."

Is there a way that I can unsubscribe to this? I never subscribed in the first place.

The Next Korean-American Idol

2008-02-22T05:34:00.000-08:00

This kid is better than 90% of current recording artists. I may purchase a guitar for Luke today and begin his training so that he may be this good someday. Watch it till the end. He covers all the best parts.

Change, In Which We Can Believe

2008-02-21T13:02:00.000-08:00

Obama's campaign slogan, as you are aware is:

Change We Can Believe In

I'm sure somewhere in Honolulu, HI an English teacher is cringing at that ~~dangling participle~~ preposition at the end of a sentence.

I think if you're running for president, your slogan should be something that your English teacher can be proud ...... of.

McCain '08 - Like Hope, But Different

2008-02-20T05:54:00.001-08:00

I'm sure everyone has seen the Yes We Can video. I offer to you the McCain version.

This election is shaping up to be the best one ever in my lifetime (which would only include the last 7 presidential elections, of which I can only remember 5 and only cared about 3).

Phire Phat Phil!

2008-02-19T09:15:00.000-08:00

This guy writes for a Knoxville paper and wrote this article that points out why Phat Phil should be fired. I like that he says that "UT has surpassed Miami as the poster team for bad behavior in college football." I never thought that would happen.

I'm all psyched up for NASCAR season. I watch 3 or four races at the beginning and then lose interest, but this season, I'm shooting for at least 10 races. I may go to the Pepsi 400, I mean Coke-Zero 400 again. It's hard to stay excited for a season that lasts 10 months.

We bought a bed from a dude in N. Miami via Craigslist. I am officially 1 for 1 on my craigslist purchases.

Herbie Hancock

2008-02-11T10:49:00.000-08:00

Every time I see a headline like this:

And the winner is...Herbie Hancock?

I think of this:

I couldn't find a video of that exact scene.

I love that movie!

Cecil's Texas Style Bar-B-Q

2008-02-07T09:46:00.000-08:00

I'm not one to usually gush about restaurants. In fact, most restaurants around Polk County, FL pretty much suck. Then I walked into Cecil's Texas Style Bar-B-Q at their new location in Winter Haven, FL. Wow! I'll break my review into a few categories:

Appearance:

The outside of the building is quaint and neat. When you walk in, you aren't hit with that smoky barbecue burning smell like at some area restaurants. The inside of Cecil's is impeccably clean and bright. The floors have been mopped and there are not large puddles of bbq sauce for you to dodge. There are only three or four booths and a row of hightop seats that face the road. The only flaw I can find is that the seats in the booth are at a 90 degree angle to the seat backs. That's fine because it forces you to lean forward to enjoy more bbq goodness.

BBQ Goodness:

There's a dude at the end of the counter when you walk in that cuts your meat fresh and if you get a sandwich he runs the bun through a butter roller and toaster while he is cutting your meat. The pulled pork that I got was excellent. Not too fatty, but with a great flavor. The quality of the meat is unmatched by most everywhere that I've been. They also offer beef brisket, pork loin, ribs, chicken, kielbasa, hot links, ham, and turkey, of which I will be sampling in the near future.

Sides:

This is, in my opinion what sets Cecil's apart from the rest of the pack. I've had good Q from a ton of different places, but to quote my buddy Josh, "Ya'll got any sides?" Cecil's answered yes in a big way. Think Thanksgiving, but without the annoying family members and dry turkey. All the sides are made fresh and steaming hot. Steak Fries, Au Gratin Potatoes, BBQ Beans, Hot Beans (with jalapeno peppers), green beans, black eyed peas, fried okra, collard greens (EXCELLENT), sweet potato souffle, cole slaw (sweet and good), potato salad, cukes & onions, corn pudding corn on the cob, and the most amazing of all - Jalapeno Mashed Potatoes. The Jalapeno mashed potatoes are like an excellent mashed potato with just an extra little kick. Holy Crap they were good. They don't need gravy to hide their imperfections, because they don't have any.

Sauce:

Sauce is a deal breaker for me at some Q joints. I like a sauce with some kick but I'm not a fan of mustard based sauces or too much vinegar. Cecil's has three types: Sweet, Mild & Hot. They don't muddy the waters with too many combinations. I didn't like the sweet too much (which is unusual, because that's the one I normally am drawn to.) The mild is fantastic. It has a little kick and a great flavor. The hot is just a kicked up version of the mild. Next time I think I'll mix the two and have the perfect sauce combination.

Final Analysis:

Cecil's (est. 1992) has an original location in Orlando and one other Orlando location other than the one in Winter Haven. They have won many awards and you can see their full menu on their website. If I were to assign stars, I would give them five stars. If it was out of six and not five, they would get six stars. What follows is a list of BBQ restaurants that Cecil's crushes:

Sonny's
Woody's
Smokin' Jim's
Hog Heaven
Schack's
Jimbo's
and more that I can't think of right now

Go there, try the Q, try the Jalapeno Mashed Potatoes, try the mild sauce and tell me that you don't agree.

In Case You Need Help Picking a President

2008-02-07T07:05:00.001-08:00

I found an interesting website today in my travels. Yes, I travel the web. It's like backpacking across Europe, but without the smelly French people. When you have 5 minutes or so, click on over to Glassbooth.org and take their poll.

You assign points to issues that you care about. You have 20 and only 20 points. You must use all 20, you can't use more than 20. Get it. Good. For instance, I don't care about Social Security. I assume that I will receive NO benefits from it and anything that is done to "fix" it will only benefit the people who are much older than me, and will probably raise my taxes. For me, Social Security is just another tax that I pay. So I assigned no points to that. I don't care about gun laws. I don't own a gun. It doesn't affect me. No points. So on and so forth and all like such as. I did assign points to Iraq and foreign policy, the economy, education, etc.

Bottom line, I am most similar to Ron Paul (I did cast a vote for him in the primary) but a close second was Obama. Those two would be a mega-ticket right there. Post your results in the comments.

Love That T-Bow

2008-02-06T10:33:00.000-08:00

Saw this on Awful Announcing. I would rather watch this than any other sport that's on until football season comes back around. Why do baseball and NASCAR take up 9-10 months a year, but football only gets 4-5?

Extra points to anyone who catches the reference in this post's title.

Little Baby "Unknown"

2008-02-04T19:29:00.000-08:00

This is what my wife came at me with today:

"Libby"

As in the crazy, insane asylum resident, chubby chaser from Lost, Libby.

Or the can of Pumpkin that has been in my mom's pantry since Pre-Thanksgiving 1996.

It's funny, but I think it may be growing on me.

Huck

2008-02-04T19:20:00.000-08:00

I saw this video on Ragamuffin Soul. There is a mathematical equation that relates to this video. It's been several years since my last math class, so I'll put it into words. I was always more of a word problem guy anyways:

The more views of this video by American's of voting age, the fewer votes Mike Huckabee will receive.

I don't think that was the intent, but this video is not helping him at all.

This video, however, makes me want to vote for Obama:

If you're not going to absolutely nail something, it's better to abstain from it alltogether. This would, of course, exclude my writing on this blog.

Oh My

2008-02-03T19:12:00.000-08:00

Best. Superbowl. Ever.

Got to love the underdog!

I imagine that there are some '72 Dolphins that are quite happy with this result. This keeps the NFL in check and normal. I love the champagne toast every year. I would hate to see that end. I appreciate records being broken, but I like the ones that are unbreakable.

Go Tom Caughlin and Eli (2 years an SEC QB has won the Superbowl)

Surgery & Politics

2008-01-23T18:20:00.000-08:00

So my doctor seriously undersold the recovery time required to have three surgical procedures done to my throat and nose. "You'll need about 4-5 days to recover." Meanwhile, on day 7, I still can't swallow without doing a little hop and slamming my palm on the countertop. I have eaten 5 massive bowls of ice cream and for the first time in my life, the thought of ice cream makes me sick. Surgery is not fun. Ever. I was somewhat looking forward to a few days off, laying in my recliner, watching football, watching tennis, watching 36 straight hours of prison break (spoiler warning - they break out of prison - end spoiler), but this was no day in the park.

I had my uvula (the little punching bag in the back of your throat) removed, my tonsils removed, and turbinate surgery in my nose. The little boy in the tonsil video I had to watch was a little too happy to be getting his freezer pop, so I knew he didn't have the same surgery as I did. He and I shared the same affinity for ice cream post-op, but I didn't get to see if he tired of it as I have.
The result of the surgery is that I can sleep without snoring, which makes my wife (and me) extremely happy, so I guess the surgery was a success.

Someone today basically made the following if-then statement to me regarding the upcoming presidential election:

If you don't vote for Mike Huckabee, then you are not a Christian and must therefore worship the devil.

I'm not 100% positive, but I don't think this statement is entirely accurate, but it is the mantra of the hard-core religious right. Just thought I'd share.

So the wife and I went to Olive Garden last night for my first dinner post surgery because I can get pasta with no meat and suffer through it to get some nutrition other than ice cream and when the waiter brought our bill he did not include the chocolate mints. Now this is a deal breaker to me. Why at the point where the customer is going to determine your tip would you "fumble the ball?" His service up to this point had been sub-par, but if I had received the chocolate mints in the bill, he would have gotten 20%. (I rarely tip less than 20% no matter what, because my wife was a server and that's how we roll) Being that I had not chocolaty goodness in my mouth, my pen would not allow me to give more than exactly 15% to the penny, and on the total without tax not with tax. Much to my wife's dismay and embarrassment I wrote the following note on the bill:

No Mints = Less Tip!

Was I wrong?

Baby Names

2008-01-09T18:57:00.000-08:00

So my wife is pregnant and we haven't decided on a name. We're fairly confident that we (and by we I mean my wife) are having a girl. At least the lack of bits and pieces in the ultrasound would tend to indicate as much. So for girl names, we have 3 that we are trying out. Trying them out involves me talking to my wife's stomach and using each name to see which one I like. Stomach talking is an extremely relaxing activity. If ever you are stressed, overworked, or otherwise feeling like crap, talk to a pregnant woman's stomach. You will have a smile on your face in no time.

I'm not positive, but I think we may have ruled out all three names we were trying. So tonight's conversation revolved around picking another name. My vote goes for Leia, as in Princess Leia Organa from the Star Wars movies. Luke & Leia. As you can probably guess, my wife is having no part of this. I think if she actually would agree on this name I would probably chicken out and not go through with it, but because she is so vehemently against it, I continue to press the issue.

We found some names that we liked, but didn't like with the last name. Weighing in at 11 letters, 3 syllables, and only 3 vowels, the Plankenhorn surname isn't the most lovely of last names. It was at this point that I began to say out loud my entire family's first, middle and last names, to see if they sounded as retarded as the baby names we were trying out. I got to the animals (what, you don't give your animals first, middle and last names?) and Cody Davis sounds extremely dignified and mature for a boston terrier with one eye that always looks to the left.

Candi is a fine name for a orange tabby cat that loves to be all up in your business and walk across your pillows at night from 3 am till 5 am, except that Candi is not her name. My wife informed me that her name is Candice "Candi" Plankenhorn. All this time, I didn't know her real name. I felt like I didn't even know my own family anymore.

The search for a girl name continues.

Best of Berman

2008-01-02T20:14:00.000-08:00

Tonight my wife was putting on an infomercial for the Swiffer Sweeper Vac, complete with statements such as:

"Look how easy it is to use"

"Here try for yourself and see"

"No cords getting tangled up and slowing you down"

"When your done, you just toss the pad in the trash"

"So easy to use, even kids love it" (this statement has never been true when uttered in any informercial, ever)

It reminded me of my favorite television program of all time. No, it's not Lost or Friday Night Lights or even College Gameday. What can only be categorized as the single greatest piece of cinematic history to ever grace a television set. What I would like to think 500 years from now explorers to the planet earth will discover to realize the greatness of our civilization. I am speaking of the Magic Bullet infomercial. It's the characters that move me. I love Hazel, Mimi, Mick and the rest of the gang, but the academy award for best performance in a scripted infomercial goes to....Berman. Tami Taylor ain't got nothing on Berman. When he states, "I HATE BROCCOLI," and "Hey, that's pretty good," after tasting the goodness that is the broccoli, radish, pineapple crap shake, I had my fingers on the dial ready to order.

Watch and enjoy, but DO NOT allow yourself to be tempted to order this piece of overpriced crap.

New Year's Eve (Replay)

2007-12-31T19:16:00.000-08:00

Don't call me at 12:01 to wish upon me and mine a Happy New Year, because me and mine will be sleeping. I know that this is really lame, but my wife is pregnant (tired all the time) and I have a 9 month old (crazy all the time) and this leads to sleep being a precious commodity around the ole' homestead.

That being said, Kathy and I really did want to stay up and watch the festivities on television. We pondered setting an alarm for 11:45 am and getting up only to go back to bed at 12:05. We weren't too pumped about this idea, but then it hit me as I was finishing the last of my fourth package of honey roasted bbq sauce on nuggets & fries from chick-a-fil. We would record the times square ball drop on our DVR, complete with:

Dick Clark, who is nearly 80, but has the Kenny Rogers, multiple face-lift look going
Tons of US servicemen and other freezing cold people crammed into a few city blocks to count backwards from 10
Special musical guests that are always lame

If this means that I'm old, then go ahead and ship me my tervis tumbler and make me a reservation to Sam Seltzer's Steakhouse, preferably before 5PM, because nothing makes me happier than getting a good night's sleep before not having to go to work and watching football all day.

If the SEC goes 9-0 this bowl season (they are currently 3-0 and Auburn is winning), they should abandon the BCS and make it where every season, the consensus #1 team in the country plays the SEC champ regardless of records. I would take the SEC champ every year the past 10 years except for maybe one of those Miami teams.

If you have boys, don't let this happen to them. Keep your flip phones safely locked away....

Dove Promises

2007-12-21T05:39:00.000-08:00

As I sit here eating these morsels of pure goodness and reading the "promises" enclosed, I am thinking the people at Dove are missing the boat. This is what they are "promising" now:

A smile is the perfect gift, personal and encouraging.
Smile at yourself in the mirror.
What if "the season to be jolly" lasted all year long? - I love the "unnecessary quotes."
Spending time is a greater gift than spending money. - That's nonsense.
Decorate your life.

This is what they should be promising:

The "milk" in milk chocolate means it's good for you.
If you send one of these to 10 of your friends this cool video will pop up.
Your wife thinks the time you spend watching football is time well spent.
Your desire to dress up as a sith lord for Halloween is completely normal.
You will not gain an ounce from eating this.
Fantasy football is cool.

Happy Holidays and all like such as.

Trevor

Partnership for a Jetman Free America

2007-12-14T19:47:00.000-08:00

Jetman is crack. My senior english teacher would be proud of my use of metaphor (I did not use like or as, therefore it is not a simile). My intent is to play one game a night to try and top my personal high score, but that game turns into 45 minutes until my eyes are watering and my neck and back hurt from straining to see the obstacles as they whizz by at near lightning speed.

My pursuit of cheesy flash video game excellence is what consumes me right now. Well, not so much my own excellence as much as the domination of a fellow Jetman junkie, Travis. Tonight I passed the 3000 point barrier for the first time. Then during the same game, passed the 4000 point barrier. My heart started racing, because I knew that the 5357 that had eluded me for so long would soon be in my jet dust.

Banana Man exploded at 4445, but not before he had dominated Mr. Tom's Shoes wearing Gabe and his 3989.

So let this be said;

the gauntlet has been thrown down.

But I have answered the challenge

and answered with vigor. (obscure movie quote reference #1)

Trevor

Are you ready for Christmas?

2007-12-14T11:55:00.000-08:00

I got asked this today by my hairdresser (a term that I despise, but I didn't want to say by the guy that cuts my hair, because he does so much more), and my response was simply "no." I am, however, reasonably ready for Christmas, in as much as I have done most of my shopping, our tree has been "trimmed," and I've heard every song from "NOW! That's What I Call Christmas!" at least two dozen times, but I thought the conversation needed me to respond in that manner.

Anyways, I am Trevor and this is my first post.